


JESUS X SATAN HOT LEMON SMUT!!!!yummy

by Anonymous



Category: Christian Bible, Christian Bible (New Testament), Christian Bible (Old Testament), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Crack, Fluff, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, this is sexy no cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Join in on the adventures of Jesus and friends!
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Satan (Judeo-Christian)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13
Collections: Anonymous





	JESUS X SATAN HOT LEMON SMUT!!!!yummy

**Author's Note:**

> i don't condone the use of slurs

It was another Holy Sunday, and it was 66.6 degrees outside at Boys' Love High School, school of gays. Satan was once again teasing Jesus. Here’s the thing, Jesus knew not to ever conversate with Satan, his father had informed him many times of the dangers, but he just feels a certain kinky attraction towards him. He always finds himself staring at Satan even when he knows that it’s a sin. 

Meanwhile Satan was thinking, “I wonder what that belt can do,” Satan winked, daydreaming about the steamy variety of situations that could happen between him and his future boyfriend uwuwu. 

Little did he know, Jesus was also dreaming of the satanic fantasies that Satan also had himself. All Jesus ever wanted to have just one moment with Satan where he can try out these fantasies but he knew then he would have fallen from heaven to hell and he would never be able to return. 

The principal only ever created this high school because he had an abnormal fear of thots, and a fetish for yaoi. He never would have expected half of them to be twinks...one of which was named Robby. Robby had been Jesus’ best friend from the first day of high school until now. Jesus thought Robby might have a little crush on him but he ignored him since he already had his eyes on Satan. They were inseparable to do them both being ‘power bottoms.’ And little did they know that Jesus’s kink attraction to Satan, and Robby’s crush on Jesus would turn to a potential threesome nicknamed “No Man's Land”. 

“OOF!” Jesus screamed as Satan pushed him up against his locker. Jesus turned a bright red while Satan got close enough where Jesus could count his eyelashes, which he would never do of course.. There were 47. 

“What’s up, faggot,” Satan said. “You look like a twink today.”

That's when Robby stepped up, carrying his rainbow backpack with LGBTQIA+ pins all over it. “Ehm, that’s derogatory,” He said, looking as if he was about to cry. Little did they know that Robby had a humiliation kink.

“It's called a noun, sweetheart,” said Satan, who smirked devilishly.

“That makes no sense” A passing by pastor preached. 

“I-I’ll tell my father about what you're doing to me!” Jesus humphs while rolling his eyes. He seemed mad but his rosy cheeks said otherwise.

“Tell him,” Satan leaned in. Jesus could feel his hot breath against his face. “And see what’ll happen to your pretty face.” Jesus heart flipped and he pushed him away and walked away with trembling legs, hiding away his red face.

“Woah woah mate, you bein’ a wombat?” Robby spoke with his usual half-gay-half-Australian accent. He rolled up his sleeves, showing his skinny twink arms and his hands clenched into tight fists. Jesus could even see his veins popping out. “I’m 18, I'm too old for this, I’m into Bernie Sanders x Kangaroo lemon,” Robby said cheekily, his fake tail bouncing as he giggled.

“You’re a freak, Robby. Get out of my face.” Satan sighed and headed to class, uninterested now that Jesus left. “SMH, otherkins.”

After school, Jesus and Robby would always hang out by the park and have picnics together, but Satan would always interrupt them. 

“Bloody ‘ell! Do you ever get bored and want to get an abortion?” Robby screamed in a democratic undertone. While Jesus innocently, yet not so innocently, bent down. Much to his surprise, Satan was right behind him. 

“Leave him alone, oniichan Robby-sama.”

“WHY DON’T YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, JESUS? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE HELPING YOU GET THIS BLOODY SHITHEAD WHORE AWAY? THIS IS FUCKING RUBBISH!” Robby stood from his seat, face morphing into rage. “I NEED TO BE ALONE, UGH, CHEERIOS!” He stormed away, leaving Jesus alone with Satan. 

“Why do you hang out with people like that?” Satan took a seat opposite Jesus, placing his legs on top of the table like the sexy cool daddy he is. “You could’ve hung out with so many other cool people. Like me,” he smirked. 

“Come on Robby isn’t that bad, he’s one of the only people who don’t judge me for being the literal son of God.” Jesus laughed and nervously glanced at Satan.

“Dude, he doesn't even know what a twink is, and he is one!” Satan mumble rapped.

“You’re not wrong about that.. but you’re not any better!” Jesus jokingly said while he daringly looked into Satan's dark mesmerizing eyes. He couldn’t look away from the void, he never really noticed how beautiful they are and how they look like he can get lost in them. 

“Jesus?” Satan tilted his head and touched Jesus’s shoulder. 

Jesus snapped back to reality ”Yes?” His face was blushing a deep red. He turned away, stuffing a sandwich in his mouth, and glanced at the hand on his shoulder. He so daringly wanted to reach for it, ‘how would it feel intertwined with mine?’ he wondered.

“Can I ask you a question?” Satan asked.

Jesus nodded, “Yup.”

“Why do you still wanna hang out with me? I’ve been bullying you for years.”

“The truth is… I-I like--” he was cut off by the screaming of Robby’s twink voice.

“WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL, COBBER. YOU’RE STILL HERE?!?!?” Robby went up to him, grabbed his arm and marched off, flipping Satan off, nails painted rainbow.

“Get the fuck away from my best friend, loser.” Satan’s eyes glowed bright red but he just angrily walked away and shrugged it off. 

“BEST FRIEND?” Robby turned to face Satan.

“Robby, stop.” Jesus said, face flushed with embarrassment.

“IM HIS BEST FRIEND, BITCH! IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT YOU CAN CATCH THESE BLOODY HANDS, WHORE!” Robby raised his skinny twink hands, LGBTQIA+ everywhere.

Out of his surprise, Jesus pushed him. Robby stumbled and fell onto the ground.”I SAID STOP!” He yelled.

Robby’s jaw dropped and his eyes were wide. “Did you just push me, mate?”

Jesus looked into his hands, his whole body trembling. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “It’s just that… you’re really embarrassing me, Rob.”

Robby stood up and brushed the dried leaves that were stuck on his LGBTQIA+ jacket. “I see how it is, Jesus,” he sneered and stomped away.

Jesus turned to Satan. Satan had his hands on his forehead with his fingers shaped like an L and started doing a fortnite dance. Jesus sighed and laughed.

“Oh shoot! I have to go home before my daddy gets suspicious!” He blew a kiss towards Satan and ran hurriedly away with adrenaline now fully in his veins. ‘Did I just do that?’ he giggled and couldn’t believe his action but just shrugged it off. 

And that’s how Satan found out about Jesus’ daddy kink. He was surprisingly attracted to those words slipping from out of Jesus’ natural Kim Kardashian lips. 

.  
.  
.

2 years earlier

Jesus was walking to school when he saw an angry boy running towards him. They ended up crashing into each other and he fell backwards and the boy was on top of him. Jesus couldn’t believe his eyes he had never seen such a beautiful male before. ‘is he an angel’ Jesus thought but suddenly his thoughts were interrupted when his father came running and yelling at him.

“Get off my son, you menace! I've told you once, I do not want to tell you twice, stay away from my son. I don’t want him to be infected.” Apparently the gorgeous boy was ‘Satan’ the devil’s son. The thought of that made him shiver but he wanted to be friends with him so badly so he came up with a plan. He ended up contacting Satan and meeting with him after praying for hours. He felt dirty doing so but the thought of him betraying his father was thrilling and seeing such a handsome boy everyday wasn’t so bad either.

“Get your religious hands off me, loser!” Satan yelled into his face and stormed away.  
Jesus could feel his heart pumping out his chest. Satan just yelled at his dad but something about his low masculine voice had sent Jesus crazy. He immediately saw Satan in a different way than before, a way he wasn’t supposed to. The dominance thrilled him and he had to see him again. 

Satan apologized the next day. His head was held low and he was genuinely sorry.

“It’s alright, Satan.” Jesus gave him a pat on the ass. “I hate my dad anyway. And the way you yelled at him, there is something r-really… amazing...about it.” Jesus muttered.

Satan chuckled. “Really?” he scratched the back of his head.

Jesus nodded. His face was flushed.

There was a long awkward moment of silence.

“Hey, um. I gotta go,” Jesus said.

“Wait! Before you go, I wanna ask if…you’d like to hang out sometime?” Satan said. His voice was slightly higher, and his snake pupils were dilated, when he asked that as if he was shy.  
Jesus felt his heart skipp a beat. “YES!”he exclaimed and realized he said it way too loud. He covered his face in embarrassment. “I mean...sure. I'd love that b-baka.”  
Satan laughed. “Okay, bud. I’ll see you at the park.” He turned and left for class.  
Jesus was more than just ‘excited’ for his date with Satan, he was ecstatic. He was even considering skipping church.

“I think I might have overheard your conversation.” A voice echoed from the narrow hallway that made Jesus gasp. He looked into the darkness and saw a sinister outline crawling towards him. He was about to scream when he noticed it was his local neighborhood muslim. 

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation and I'm a little bit concerned.” He stood in front of Jesus, blocking him from escaping him. He tilted his head and said, “I mean what if this information were to get out?” 

“Please don't,” Jesus begged , slightly turned on.

It turns out that Harry Potter was the neighborhood muslim, as all of a sudden he screamed, "Avada Kedavra!"

"JESUS BAE!!?!?!" a low baritone voice yelled. Satan.

The last thing Jesus remembered was the smell of Satan's handsome ass.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
